


Lost and Found

by EliDeetz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Set during 13x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 08:49:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17056643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliDeetz/pseuds/EliDeetz
Summary: “While we’re celebrating, let’s not forget our brothers and sisters who didn’t make it. They will never be forgotten, and we will do right by them.”A grim silence reigned over the bunker momentarily; people looked at each other with both grief and relief, hugged, and comforted those who could. Your stomach flipped inside of you, and a sick feeling bubbled inside of it.





	Lost and Found

“While we’re celebrating, let’s not forget our brothers and sisters who didn’t make it. They will never be forgotten, and we will do right by them.”

A grim silence reigned over the bunker momentarily; people looked at eachother with both grief and relief, hugged, and comforted those who could. Your stomach flipped inside of you, and a sick feeling bubbled inside of it.

The other Bobby kept talking, but your mind was no longer there. The amber of the whiskey in your glass had your entire attention. You swirled the liquor, and watched it as if it was the only thing that mattered in the world. In that moment, it seemed to be the only thing that did. 

**_“Go.”_ **

The sound of his voice still resonated inside your head. Gabriel’s tone was desperate, and terrified. You knew it would haunt your dreams from then on. 

That is, if you ever slept again, of course. 

“Hey.” It was Sam, you knew he would be the first one to approach you. 

You took a moment to focus your attention from the glass to the youngest Winchester. When your eyes finally met his, you almost cringed. There was a mixture of concern and pity shining in his eyes, it made you clench your jaw.

“How you holdin’ up?” He asked sweetly, and low, trying to keep anybody else from listening to your conversation.

His intent of keeping your grief private was appreciated.

“Fine.” The reply was curt, you didn't intend to say it like that. You lowered your gaze to the floor, doing your best to avoid all the emotion in his eyes to get to you. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line, and glanced around, as if he was going to find something that would help him help  **_you_ ** . After a moment of nothing, Sam sighed and took a seat next to you. You could see the defeat in his features from the corner of your eye. It made you feel worse.

Yes, you were mourning. But  **_they_ ** didn’t know that. In fact, there were a lot of things that they didn’t know.

They hadn’t been around when Gabriel flirted with you when you still thought he was a trickster. They had no idea he had been the one to save you from a rabid werewolf. When you disappeared after the apocalypse, they thought you’d retired from hunting, when you actually had been looking for signs that he was alive.

The day he was brought back to the bunker by Arthur Ketch, they couldn’t see how hard it had been for you to not fall apart. The night you had to spend in the other universe, they didn’t notice how you and Gabriel disappeared to simply have a moment alone among so much stress and worry. 

There really wasn’t anything  **_said_ ** between you, but there was  **_something_ ** , and a hell lot of  **_what if’s?_ **

So when he sacrificed himself for the three of you to cross back, they couldn’t understand why you’d snapped so bad against Rowena for her to open the rift back up. 

At the other end of the room you saw Castiel, who immediately locked eyes with you. His frown was as normal as ever, but the way he nodded and appeared right next to you wasn’t. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t, for Dean came around to join the three of you. 

“You ok?” Dean questioned, half worried, half wary, still trying to figure out the origin of your meltdown. 

“Yeah, cool.” You immediately replied, avoiding his gaze and everybody else’s. 

The liquor had your entire attention again, yet you couldn't help noticing the knowing glances the Winchesters threw at each other. You closed your eyes in hope it would help you ignore them. 

It worked, but the image of Gabriel being stabbed and thrown away by Michael flooded your thoughts, sending waves of pain to ripple through you. A heavy sigh left your chest, as you tried your hardest to stay calm. 

When you opened them back up, Castiel’s face was a mere inch away from yours. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said in a whisper, placing a hand over your shoulder in a reassuring manner. 

Tears blurred your vision, but you determined to bite them back, swallow them and lock the emotions burning inside. The Winchesters glanced at each other, clearly confused as to what Castiel had said to you only.

“You know you can talk to us?” Dean pressed, his tense posture and features softening until there was nothing but worry left in them. 

“I know… thank you,” you breathed, knowing well you weren’t ready to talk about anything, let alone about him. 

They stood around you, silent, curious. Except for Castiel, who you now knew more than any other, maybe even more than you. You wondered if you could ask him; about Gabriel, about you, if perhaps he’d seen or heard more than you had. 

“What’s the course of action now, boys?” Arthur’s voice broke the awkward silence.

Despite his always confident stance, he visibly shrunk under the intense stares the four of you threw his way. It hadn’t been your intention to intimidate him, but your mood wasn’t the best at the moment. 

“We, uh…” Sam hurried to reply, immediately sensing the awkwardness that began to settle around. “Rest, I suppose. It’s what we need.”

His last words were said towards you, and once again your gaze found its way back to your drink in order to avoid his. And just like that, all the attention was back on you. Sickness swirled inside your stomach, you wanted them to stop trying to figure things out. To figure  **_you_ ** out.

It’d been one thing to live among uncertainty, wondering whether Gabriel was still alive, and grasping onto every sign that implied that he was. **_Now_ ** you knew, he’d sacrificed himself to keep everybody safe, and was left to rot in the AU.

He deserved better, and there was nothing you could do about it.

“We should show everybody their rooms, then.” 

Your eyes snapped open, Castiel’s voice bringing your mind back from the thoughts that were starting to take over you. His posture was stiff, and he was nodding as he spoke. It was then that you realized he was trying his best to make everyone step away from you.

“Of course, the sooner we start, the faster we finish,” Sam agreed, immediately getting Castiel’s intentions.

They both pulled a very confused Dean away as quickly as they could, walking towards the crowd and immediately getting lost in it. A sigh of relief left your chest, until you noticed someone still standing next to you. 

The British Man of Letters softly smiled as you met his blue eyes. You could tell he was as worried as the others, but his worry was different. As if he didn’t care the reason behind it, only that you soon felt better. 

Unlike the others, his worry gave you comfort.

“May I?” He asked shyly, fidgeting with his glass of whiskey.

Arthur’s crush was no secret to you, or no one for that matter. It was a crush that you respected and cherished, because despite him knowing you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings in their entirety, he would still try everything to keep you safe. 

Which was why his nervousness made you genuinely smile, it reminded you of how you felt when you began developing feelings for the archangel. Part of you felt that if Gabriel had never come back, Arthur would’ve been the first man you’d given a chance.

A non-verbal reply to his request was what you gave him, as you scoot over to allow him to take a seat next to you. He wasted no time sitting down, but instead of looking at you he took his time to examine the crowd. It wasn’t long until you began to do the same. 

Comfortable silence settled between you, allowing you to relish in how none of the attention in the room was on you, for change. 

“I didn’t think I would make it,” he suddenly confessed.

Your attention moved to him in an instant, when sensing the vulnerability in his tone. But Arthur was avoiding your gaze, as his settled on the liquor in his hands. You said nothing as a way to encourage him to keep talking.

“It wasn’t my first  **_rodeo_ ** -” the word rolled out of his tongue as he made a rather comical gesture- “but I was terrified, since the moment we stepped on the other side.” His lips pressed into a thin line, and he clenched his jaw. “I knew I had a choice not to do it, but I did.”

It was almost surreal, seeing someone as confident and, seemingly, fearless as Arthur to confess such intimate emotions. Anger, confusion; those were easy to talk about, they seeped through the pores of your skin whether you liked it or not. Love, fear, sadness; the Winchesters were experts on bottling those up. 

You’d supposed Arthur could easily do it as well.

“I did it for you.”

Your breath hitched, all the oxygen in your lungs disappeared as you stared into his eyes. Yes, you knew about his feelings towards you, but he’d never been so straight forward about them. It was impossible for you to come up with something coherent to say.

“I lost someone,” you blurted without taking a second to think about it. “I lost Gabriel…” his name left your lips in a shaky breath. It burned your throat, and left a bitter taste in your mouth. His brows raised, and his mouth fell slightly open, but he didn’t said a word. “We weren’t… exactly  **_together_ ** . Honestly, I don’t know what we were.”

Arthur closed his mouth, and simply nodded as you spoke, he seemed taken aback. You couldn’t really blame him, how would  **_you_ ** have reacted if you’d confessed your feelings to have the other person confess theirs towards someone else?

“But he’s gone now, I don’t really think it matters.” You pondered on your words, trying to figure out where exactly you were going with your own confession.

He remained quiet, while you mentally berated yourself for mumbling so much. To be fair you were exhausted, and you needed to vent how you really felt to someone that you knew wouldn’t nose around.

“I suppose we all lost something back there,” Arthur finally said, successfully relieving some tension from the odd moment. He stood up, wincing slightly as he straightened his back “But things have a weird way of coming back to us, sugar. You just have to be on the lookout.” 

He gave you smile as he turned around and walked away, leaving you alone to think about whatever you needed to think about. You watched him go, the gears in your head slowly turning and clicking with each other.

Once again, Arthur left you breathless.

“Holy fuck,” you managed to mutter, not really knowing when you stood up and began running among the refugees in order to find him. 

Your brain was harshly pulsing inside your skull, and your respirations were ragged and uneven. You couldn’t even take a second to pretend you cared about how roughly you were pushing people aside, still every now and then a “sorry” managed to slip from your lips.

A figured similar to the one you were looking for moved on the corner of your eye, you turned to barely catch him walking to one of the hallways that directed to the rooms. “Arthur,” you croaked, unable to find your voice to ask him to wait.

When it was clear enough for you to pass you ran, slow enough not to attract any unwanted attention, but fast enough to not lose him from your sight. “Arthur,” you yelled his name a little louder, managing to make him look at you over his shoulder.

But he didn’t stop, and instead, quickly entered a room. 

He was giving you a place to find him, he knew what you wanted. You could listen to your heartbeat drumming in your ears. 

When you reached the room you stood under the doorframe, wondering what were you expecting. The seed of doubt had been planted, but what if it was actually a trap? Fear took over, and you wondered if screaming would be of any help.

“Gabriel?” You muttered, full of hope and uncertainty, finally venturing inside, until you reached the edge of the bed in the middle of the room. 

“Well…” Arthur’s voice came from behind you, causing you to jump and immediately turn to look at him. He was carelessly leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and sporting a, rather uncharacteristic, mischievous smirk. “ **_That_ ** took you awhile,” he mocked, as his eyes shone a blueish white, momentarily turning amber and then back to their normal blue hue. 

Tears blurred your vision instantly, the glass of whiskey that you’d been holding on so tightly dropped and smashed to bits as you raised your shaky hands up to cover your mouth. “Gabriel,” you cried as you ran towards him.

He immediately pushed himself from the frame, and held his arms out just in time to catch you. Your arms wrapped around his neck, and you closed your eyes as tears began to fall from them. His hold tightened around your waist, as he buried his neck in the crook of your neck. 

Something took over, as you figured it was no use wasting more time than you already had. You moved your head enough to face him, and hurried to press your lips against his.

Gabriel immediately responded, raising one of his hands to slither in the hair at the back of your head. Pulling you closer to him as he deepened the kiss.

It was as glorious as it was strange. You were kissing Gabriel, but it was Arthur’s body. His frame was larger compared to Gabriel’s, his features completely different. You’d never kissed him before, but it wasn’t what you’d imagined.

After a long moment, and after your tears simmered down a bit, you finally pulled away, just enough to see his face. You held it between your hands, caressing his cheeks as he smiled at you.

“Oh my God, Arthur. I’m so sorry, I got carried away, I-” you stuttered, blushing as it dawned on you that he was probably conscious deep inside

“He says no problem,” Gabriel hurried to say, rolling his eyes as the whole deal  **_also_ ** dawned on him. 

A soft chuckle left your chest, as you tried your best to shove your embarrassment away. “You’re alive… but how- you? Arthur…” You began to ramble, the thousand questions inside your head wanting to come out all at once. 

“He’s fine, he agreed to this,” he began to explain, brushing away the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “He said yes to me before Michael stabbed my vessel, we made a connection before crossing over. A deal. We wanted to make sure you made it safely, which is why he crossed first.”

“Your vessel,” you mumbled, wondering what the hell you were going to do about that. “We need to get it back.”

“Why don’t we worry about all that later, hm?” Gabriel suggested, upon noticing the gears in your brain beginning to spin rapidly. “Please, just let me…”

His words trailed off, and his arms wrapped around you once more. He wanted to enjoy being with you, even for a small moment.

“You were afraid you wouldn’t make it,” you realized, recalling your chat at the stairs of the war room.

He sighed heavily, still holding you tightly against him. “I wasn’t sure this would work, if a transfer was possible from universe to universe.”

You pushed away from him, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “What if it hadn’t?” You sobbed, tears running down your face once again. You suddenly feared it was all a dream, too good to be true.

“That possibility was the loudest one inside my head. The only thing I could feel was regret,” he admitted. “About not being honest about how I feel, about not kissing you, not even once,” he explained, upon seeing the confusion in your face.

It was hard to breathe, you were focusing all your energy on taking in enough oxygen to keep you conscious. You pressed your forehead with his, one of your hands scratching the short hair in the nape of his head and the other one clutching tightly onto his shirt. 

“What now?” You whispered, not daring to open your eyes. 

Gabriel opened his, taking a deep breath as he wondered the same. “Beats me,” he finally replied, earning a giggle from you. “Nap?”

“Angels don’t sleep,” you reasoned, finding his suggestion a little odd.

“Sugar, I was stabbed. I  **_deserve_ ** a nap.”

His childish tone made you smile, and you allowed him to drag you towards the bed. “What about Arthur?” You wondered, still not knowing how to handle that situation.

“Trust me, he won’t mind the cuddling session.  **_At all_ ** .” Gabriel’s tone was as playful as it was annoyed, you could tell it made him slightly jealous to have to share those moments with someone else. “As long as you don’t mind, he says. He doesn’t wants to make you uncomfortable.” 

The archangel seemed surprised, he made an amused face as the words left his mouth. 

“I don’t,” you admitted, it was Arthur’s body after all. “This is confusing but I’m tired, can we figure this out tomorrow?” 

Gabriel remained silent, standing still as he seemed to wait for a reply from Arthur. “We can,” he finally said, shrugging as he kept walking towards the bed. 

“Then let’s,” you mumbled, suddenly realizing how tired you actually were once you laid down next to Gabriel. “We have time,” the words left your mouth in a whisper, as you cuddled them as close to you as possible. 


End file.
